Miracle Pencil

Last night, a friend and I went to see Dar Williams. It was a bittersweet (mostly sweet) night - she and I have been friends since our oldest kids were tiny - we met in La Leche League! We have been through a LOT together, not the least of which is her moving toward conventional, rewards and punishment based parenting, and my move to radical unschooling. We are at a place of peace with that for now - I can see she is a loving mom, crazy about her kids - and she can see the same about me. We also discovered Dar at the same time, and her words and music spoke so deeply to both of us. At one moment, I was all teary, as Dar sang The Babysitter's Here, and I was thinking of the years that I've loved her music, and the years that I've loved my friend. I was thinking a lot of how things have changed, how we have changed - how I have changed! - over these 15 + years.

A duo who are calling themselves Boston to Austin opened for Dar -- I love them! I wanted to invite them home with me, and we would hang out, and we could be best friends for ever and ever. Some performers just hit me that way - I think it's the heart connection, as they're performing. They're up there, sharing their hearts, and it connects us. Anyway - they're just so, so good. So funny, and beautiful, and their songs were wonderful. They said they had tour shirts made up when they toured from Boston to Austin, and since they had shirts, they decided to call themselves that for now - but they only had two shirts left! They might change the name once those are gone.

I had an idea of what I wanted to create for art for the day. I knew it would be challenging, but that's OK - I'm trying to give up the idea of perfectionism with this. Just let it be what it is. When I went to draw my idea this morning, I really wanted a pencil. A regular, No. 2 yellow pencil, with an eraser. I wasn't sure if we had one! One thing about no school is there's not much need for number 2 pencils. Seth woke up as I was looking, and as were were cuddling and talking (is there a better way to start the day?), I told him I really wanted to find a pencil with an eraser. He said, "Oh! I got one in my Halloween bag! I hope we can find it - I threw it on the floor when I saw it. Who gives pencils for Halloween?!" I was just struck by how perfect that was - that something was provided, just as we wanted it. It gave me such a strong feeling of being taken care of. Well - when I got up from his bed, what was on the floor right there, but a yellow No. 2 pencil - with an eraser! I couldn't find a sharpener, so I used a knife, and I knew - I can draw my other idea later today, or tomorrow. I need to draw this pencil!

I really like how it came out. This art stuff is kind of addicting. I wrote in comments to Mrs. G, I'm thinking of breaking up with my television. Then when I wrote that out loud, I kind of panicked - but I want to find out what happens on Life on Mars! And Top Chef is about to start! {gasp} So I wrote, at least I want to start seeing other people. I think I'll have to! If I'm going to have room to create AND work AND hang with the boys AND make meals... something will have to go. Right now, I'm grateful we have DVR and I can record the shows I want to see. I'm not ready to let go entirely. I think it might be a codependent relationship, though - I give all of my time, and what do I really get back in return?

I love my yellow pencil.


tammy vitale said...

Hey Caren - now you have 2 pencils - the real one and the really real one you drew for yourself - look forward to your AEDM work! (I love the comment on things being provided - am struggling with that these days)

Leah said...

what a great post! it made me smile ear to ear. i love dar williams, what a treat to see her perform and the story about the from boston to austin duo cracked me up!

Ann said...

Cool story, how the universe provided what you needed. I too should break up w/ my TV...but I kinda need the numb-out sometimes too...so I continue the codependency. :(

ps pirro said...

I love your yellow pencil, too.

And Dar Williams.

I broke up with my tv a couple years ago. It was bittersweet. We have reunions every once in awhile. The sex is good, but we know it's over.

xox, peggy