At the prompting of Patti Digh (and life, and timing, and the universe), I'm doing one thing every day for 37 Days, and sharing that journey here. You can read about what I'm doing in this post.
My confession: I have a messy house. Frequently, a dirty house. Almost all the time. It has been this way... forever, I think. My room when I was young would get overwhelmingly messy, until my Mom made me and my sisters clean it. When I moved out on my own... OK, actually, the first time I moved out on my own, my place was clean. Like, OCD clean. Everything had its place, and I worked meticulously to make sure everything STAYED in its place. I was one of those people that if something on my table was one-quarter inch away from where it "should" be, I couldn't rest until I'd made it right. Wow, I hadn't thought about that in a long time.
But now? I don't let people in. If you have a friend who, when you pick her up, she meets you outside her door, or if you bring something by, she meets you at the door and doesn't let you in? More than likely, she's messy. And ashamed.
I'm not gonna be posting pictures or anything, nor painting a picture with words about how messy my home is. Just trust me: it's messy.
I don't leave food out, and the litter box is scooped. And over time, things have gotten better, bit by bit. There's a whole other post about having the boys clean with me, and why my house is the way it is - but that's a whole other post.
For right now, I'll say - I'm using my energy for what's important to me, and what's important to me is connecting with the boys, being with them, doing things together - NOT coercing them or manipulating them into cleaning.
I've done a whole lot of healing work around this, writing, looking at it from every angle. Lots of a-ha moments and insights and change and growth. And it's culminated into this:
The second thing I'm going to do every day for 37 days? Take at least 15 minutes and clean. Every day. I've done that these past two days, and it feels good. I've done it before - I got the FlyLady e-mails, and followed that program until I didn't. I always get to a point where I just stop. I had a BIG insight into that the last time my kitchen was relatively clean - I guess I'll share that in the "other post" I was writing about earlier.
I used to carry LOTS more shame about my messy home - but shame doesn't serve anyone, it wasn't helpful. I say I'm not shameful now - but I sure wouldn't let you in to my house! I guess my shame has lessened, because I used to hide this, not tell anyone. Now, most people who know me a little know about it. Some have even come in. Some have loved me, anyway.
So, that's the second thing about me. If you want to come over, let me know, and we'll talk about it, and maybe I'll let you in - if a messy house doesn't freak you out. Don't pretend! But if you want, and you're OK with it, I'll let you in.
I'm letting you in a little bit right now.