11/28/2007

You've Got to Remain to Bein' Yourself, You Can't Be Nobody Else... *

I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.

Because when I do, I don't write. Or, I write, but don't post. This last week, I read posts that were inspirational, heartbreaking (yet hopeful), funny, honest, creative, generous... and every time I'd think of writing, I would then immediately think of something else to do. Like read more blogs. Or watch the new Iron Chef prove he earned his title. Or daydream.

It wasn't until this morning, when I was thinking of writing, and immediately dismissed it (maybe I'll watch that Grey's Anatomy I taped instead!), that I took a look at that. And saw my little self, looking at all those other blogs, saying "I'm not like them. I can't do that." Well, no, little self! You're not like them! You're like you! And there's nothing wrong with you, remember?

I forget that my voice is my voice, and I shouldn't try to make it like anyone else's. I keep learning that, and living that, then forgetting that. And, like today, remembering that again. I remember the very first time I consciously had that thought: "Who I am is valuable." I had gone to services at a nearby church a couple of times, and I found out they had a meditation circle before the service. The week I decided to go, I went there, and when I walked into the room, there was no one there like me. Most people were older (this was before I was older!), most were... business-y types, very conservatively dressed. Knowing me, and that time, I was probably in tie-dye and Guatemalan woven pants. Or, they looked like they had been meditating for years (I was just starting out). (How the hell do you look like you've been meditating for years? I remember thinking that, though.) I started to leave, then it hit me: Oh! If there's no one else here that looks like me, that means I need to be here! Who I am is valuable. I have something to offer this circle. So I stayed, and the circle was good, and even though that church didn't work out for me, the thought that I'm valuable has.

So, I won't compare myself to other bloggers, nor this blog to others' blogs. It'll just be me, my blog, my perspective, my journey with living with an open heart... or learning why it might not be as open, then looking at ways to open it further. This is one way. Writing when scared, taking that leap. Clicking "publish".

There.

* Title quote from the inimitable Adrian Belew, from "I Am What I Am" on the album "Young Lions", co-written by the Prophet Omega. Adrian took a tape of the evangelist and dropped lines of his into the song. It's such a cool song!

10 comments:

Pam Genant said...

OK so that is why every day when I look at your blog there are no new posts....LOL...so now that you figured out that you are not supposed to be like other blogs does that mean you will write when you feel like it again...?

Pam

dharmamama said...

Yes, I hope to! The thing is... I didn't even know that was going on, until I took a minute to look inside. I would have said, "I don't *feel like* writing today!" Here's to awareness, right?

Leah said...

oh, i know that comparing bug too well. yucko! i'm glad that you became aware of it and moved past it. for me, the best way to deal with those feelings, is just to get back to work. there's only one of you, so i'm glad you're sharing!

Julie Pippert said...

And amen to you for that, really.

Comparing can be motivational when you turn int around and inspire yourself to work through a challenge---like it sounds like you did here.

But yeah, it's no good when you hold it up as an impossible standard for yourself.

We like what you write.

Julie
Using My Words

storyteller said...

Hi -- this is my first visit to your Blog but rest assured I'll return to read more as time permits :)

I love this post ... have felt the same feelings time and time again, but after attending a Writers Retreat this past summer in Taos, my writing buddies pushed me into Blogging and now I couldn't be happier! Who knew this could be such fun?

I don't know if you've found the "Blogging Without Obligation" button, but it was one of the first I added to MY sites, and the idea behind it helped me over the hump :)

Now ... I'm unstoppable! (and I'll be back for more when time permits) LOL
Hugs and blessings,

dharmamama said...

Blogging without obligation! I like it! Thanks for stopping by. I love your username, it's very evocative. Makes me want to invite you over for a chat. lol

storyteller said...

Thanks for the reply. Actually I hope you will stop by my Blogs for a visit when time permits. You'll find the Blogging Without Obligation on both. If you click on them, you get to the site with the HMTL codes for a variety of buttons conveying the idea in different ways. If you'd rather, here's the address of the Blog that started the whole idea:
http://www.tartx.com/blog/?page_id=233
Hugs and blessings,

Emily said...

Exactlly! It is best to avoid comparing oneself in all situations, I think. It leaves you not saying the things you want to say.

http://wheelsonthebus.wordpress.com

Schuyler said...

Ooh, ooh, Adrian Belew! I haven't thought of Adrian Belew in ages. I have one of his records that was a hand-me-down (read swipe) from my brother's huge collection of albums that he left when he toured with the Whiffenpoofs after he graduated from college. Ooh, now to go find it--everything was alphabetized, hmmm,

dharmamama said...

I absolutely love him. And for some reason, haven't listened to him lately! My all-time favorite concert - and this includes Dead shows, which is big! - was Adrian at Be Here Now in Asheville, NC with The Bears. Such intimacy. Sigh....