You've Got to Remain to Bein' Yourself, You Can't Be Nobody Else... *

I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.
I will not compare myself to other bloggers, nor my blog to others' blogs.

Because when I do, I don't write. Or, I write, but don't post. This last week, I read posts that were inspirational, heartbreaking (yet hopeful), funny, honest, creative, generous... and every time I'd think of writing, I would then immediately think of something else to do. Like read more blogs. Or watch the new Iron Chef prove he earned his title. Or daydream.

It wasn't until this morning, when I was thinking of writing, and immediately dismissed it (maybe I'll watch that Grey's Anatomy I taped instead!), that I took a look at that. And saw my little self, looking at all those other blogs, saying "I'm not like them. I can't do that." Well, no, little self! You're not like them! You're like you! And there's nothing wrong with you, remember?

I forget that my voice is my voice, and I shouldn't try to make it like anyone else's. I keep learning that, and living that, then forgetting that. And, like today, remembering that again. I remember the very first time I consciously had that thought: "Who I am is valuable." I had gone to services at a nearby church a couple of times, and I found out they had a meditation circle before the service. The week I decided to go, I went there, and when I walked into the room, there was no one there like me. Most people were older (this was before I was older!), most were... business-y types, very conservatively dressed. Knowing me, and that time, I was probably in tie-dye and Guatemalan woven pants. Or, they looked like they had been meditating for years (I was just starting out). (How the hell do you look like you've been meditating for years? I remember thinking that, though.) I started to leave, then it hit me: Oh! If there's no one else here that looks like me, that means I need to be here! Who I am is valuable. I have something to offer this circle. So I stayed, and the circle was good, and even though that church didn't work out for me, the thought that I'm valuable has.

So, I won't compare myself to other bloggers, nor this blog to others' blogs. It'll just be me, my blog, my perspective, my journey with living with an open heart... or learning why it might not be as open, then looking at ways to open it further. This is one way. Writing when scared, taking that leap. Clicking "publish".

There.

* Title quote from the inimitable Adrian Belew, from "I Am What I Am" on the album "Young Lions", co-written by the Prophet Omega. Adrian took a tape of the evangelist and dropped lines of his into the song. It's such a cool song!