9/12/2008

Two Sevens

Seven years ago...

I was trying to process and take in what had happened on 9/11. I was planning a silent auction and picnic for La Leche League, wondering if we should continue planning or, like US air traffic, should we be grounded for a bit? I was driving from place to place, collecting silent auction donations that had been promised, feeling out of it and in shock.

We didn't have a TV. I heard about the attacks on the radio at home, and later that morning as I was driving, I pulled over to cry when the first tower went down. (Did they really just say that? The entire building collapsed? Is that what they said? Oh, my God, it is.) I went to our library later that day, they had set a room aside where they had a TV on CNN. I was only in there a minute when I realized I didn't really want to see it, I couldn't handle it.

In a phone call a few days later with Sheri Lynch, our speaker for that year's picnic, we decided that the auction should go on. The terrorists can't take our day to day lives! Babies were born on September 11th, as well - we should do what we could to ensure they'd get a great start.

It was surreal - life going on, body count going up. Will they attack again? My husband had jury duty that morning, which meant he was downtown. I was scared until I got his call, saying they had been released.

I still feel panicky and my heart hurts when I remember that day.

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Seven days ago...

We were here.



This was the view at the first drum circle.



There was drumming



And Bionicles



Lots and lots of Bionicles


And, though I didn't get a picture, lots of Rock Band and Guitar Hero. And Garry's Mod, which makes me wish we had a PC - what a goofy, fun game!

This conference was full of mixed feelings for me, for several reasons, which I'll write about later. Now, I'm just left with the good ones, the glow.

The connections.



The highs.


I used to go see the Grateful Dead, and there is nothing on Earth like a Grateful Dead show. And - there is absolutely nothing on Earth like an unschooling conference. So many open-hearted people! So much joy, and connection, and love. I'm saturated in love.

I hadn't made the connection before between 9/11 and our decision to unschool. We had begun unschooling that year, 2001. I think 9/11 showed me what was important: connection, being present. We honestly don't know, moment to moment, what's going to happen. We can only make this moment, NOW, as good as we can, open our hearts as wide as we can, connect as deeply as we can. That's what's going to get us through, no matter what. That's what I want my life to be, and what I want for the boys, as well, as much as I can impose my desires upon them.

I could react to the events of September 11, 2001 by closing down, closing off, staying safe, becoming suspicious and grabby. I choose the opposite - opening up, making stronger connections, taking those risks that help me grow closer to my heart center, sharing my deepest self with others. Unschooling has been the most powerful path to that kind of life that I've discovered.

I am refueled after going to the conference. Dedicated even more to living the life we've created - and asking: how can we have *more* joy? *More* connection? Where do I need to grow, so we can be closer? Where am I stuck, so I can be un-stuck, so I can help the boys get what they want?

I had written in an e-mail this morning that we can be at the conference any time we wish - just close our eyes, take a minute to visualize, and we're there. I have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of that - for just a few seconds at a time, then I'll be HERE, where I'm needed, where I want to be, here with my boys and our dog and our cats.

Our life.

Our unschooling life.

7 comments:

Frank said...

Greetings from Italy. A quick comment while I have computer access. Hope the car thing worked out ok. Love the photo of you and Ronnie, of course.

It was great meeting you in person and I loved the drumming energy!

See ya!

Mrs. G. said...

Drumming and Bionicles-does it get any better?

piscesgrrl said...

I love your post-conference musings... I'm sighing as I read this. What a wonderful week that was!

Ren said...

'Twas good to read this.
Would you mind if I used it in the October blog carnival? It's perfect!

Write and let me know if you're ok with that: starsuncloud@comcast.net

Jules said...

Erik and I watched the towers fall from the Brooklyn Promenade. Watched with mouths agape and shaky sweatiness. Hauled ass home on our bikes when a fine dust of debris started falling over us. That night, like so many other stunned New Yorkers, we were sitting in a bar having drinks with friends (another couple). I remember discussing with the other wife how I didn't want to have children and raise them in a world like this. But here we are, 7 years later, with a kid. And yeah, while I could have stuck to my immediate reaction, like you said, of "closing down, closing off", we choose to have a child. And it is this child, unschooling, and the remembrance of 9/11 that are showing me how to open up and live more fully in the now.

Camellia said...

Two sevens. I love your commitment to being heart open. Thanks for coming my way, and for your lovely comment. I had already dipped into your site, because of your comment on Mrs. G's blog about God and mustard. Yeah, I thought...that's it.

I am looking forward to hearing you.

Ann said...

I loved your post about this day. :)