This Isn't About the Live and Learn Conference

... because I'm busy doing just that. Living and learning.

I just heard that I don't qualify for Medicaid. This is after a couple months of filling out forms, mailing forms in, being asked for more forms, mailing those in...

I'm kind of in shock. I was counting on that, the coverage. I desperately need new glasses, and Medicaid would cover that. Non-stylish frames, but who cares? I'd just like to be able to see without squinting.

And - here's something that's hard to write. I have a spot on my back. I'm afraid it's skin cancer - it is in a spot that I severely burned in my 1970s laying out days. I know it needs to be checked, and I was waiting for Medicaid to do that.

I'm now afraid to get it checked, because 1st, I can't afford an office visit and 2nd, if it is something that needs more care, how can I do that? I can NOT take on more debt. That in itself would cause SO much stress, it would wreck what's good about my health.

OK, yeah - I just saw those un-looked-at thoughts there. (Darn you, Byron Katie!) I don't HAVE to get stressed about debt. That's a choice. So I hear, anyway. Can you call me at 4 in the morning and remind me of that, when my brain is on spin cycle?

Do you know what is covered? Family planning. I got a family planning waiver. Um - I haven't had sex in four years, and I have an IUD that's supposed to be effective for six more years. Family planning isn't a priority for me. I do not have a need to prevent pregnancy. I'm doing that quite effectively, thank you.

Well. I'm going to trust. Trust that a solution will come, if I continue to search, and that solution won't involve the boys going to school so I can work full-time.

Breathe and trust....

And breathe.