1/19/2008

We Have to Move

And when I first found out, my heart actually sang. Normally, just the *thought* of moving makes me want to break out in hives, then curl up in a ball on the floor - but I guess it's time! And I've mostly been excited about it. I wanted to find something in our neighborhood - it's naturally very diverse, which I love, and Seth has many friends here who love to come to our house. Evan has mixed feelings about the neighborhood. I think he wants to live in a cookie-cutter subdivision, the seeming order of that type of environment is attractive to him. Maybe we can find something to meet all our needs.

I've been OK with the whole thing. I'm getting my tax refund soon, so I'll have money for deposits, moving the utilities, etc. I had just been feeling like... I wanted to do something, go somewhere to shake me up. Like some kind of retreat or workshop or weekend. While I know that change needs to come from me, I've experienced some awakenings at events like that, and I wanted a different perspective. So when I found out we had to move, it felt like the move would serve that need. Because I'm a *little* slow to embrace new things, and moving provides lots of new things to get used to.

But today, this morning, I'm really, really sad. What if we can't stay in the neighborhood? Not only will Seth miss his friends - several of whom are here almost every day - but his friends will miss *us*, too. We are a safe place to come to. No yelling, no unreasonable demands. Just recently, Seth asked when dinner would be ready. I told him soon, and he said, "Good! 'Cause I'm hungry!" His friend actually *flinched* and looked at me with wide eyes. It took me a minute to realize he would not be allowed to say something so innocuous in his own home. It would probably be seen as "disrespectful". I just smiled at Seth, and said, "I'm hungry, too!" His friend has a whole new model for how parents & kids can be together. I feel like we'll abandon them if we can't stay here. There aren't very many rentals here, and the ones that are here are much, much more than we've been paying.

We were looking for houses when we found this one. I keep telling myself that. It will all work out. A friend is going to take me later today and maybe Monday (I have the day off) to drive around and look at places. I got a *bunch* of great boxes from Freecycle. Oh, OK - that's overwhelming, too, the thought of packing. We are disorganized around here, and I don't want to "move our mess". I have a plan, I just need to stop procrastinating and start packing. Cleaning and packing.

There was a quote on Abraham-Hicks the other day that said, "In other words, it is the promise of this eternal Universe… You’re always, always, always going to be on your way to something more—always." Which I need to remember, because I have this fear that somehow, somewhere, I've screwed up and will be punished for it and the gods and goddesses are just going to drop-kick me to the curb.

Ha! OK, guess I'm healing, because when I just wrote that, I thought, "Well, if they did, that's OK. I'd just pick myself up and start anew. And give them the finger." LOLOL All right. I'm OK. Like Julian of Norwich said, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." And are well now.

Deep breath. Again. Again.

I had a reading last year, and was told there were 3 things my guides really, really wanted to make sure I GOT. I wrote them down on little pieces of paper and stuck them around our house, and they've served as affirmations since: I cannot fail. I can trust and have faith in the universe's plan for me. I am loved and supported.

I think they're true for everyone. I can remember they're true for me, too.

All right. OK. I can set some intentions for the move, and our new house. When the boys get back, we can do that together. For now, I can start setting my timer, and sorting and packing. That will save me so much stress later if I do it now.

Deep breath.

All is well.

10 comments:

diana(hahamommy) said...

there are lots of houses for sale in Corvallis,A.K.A. The Golden Vortex.

...Just so ya know :)

Certified Healing Coach said...

Hey! I'm a reiki master, too!! :)

And I just moved to a new apartment a few months ago after living in a beautiful old Victorian duplex for 4 years. I loved it and the owner decided to sell.

I was overwhelmed, too, and had some anxiety about having to leave what had been my home.

But now, I am SO, SO grateful for where I am now and am totally in love with my new place. I have experienced spiritual growth here and had mystical experiences that far exceed the wonder I had become used to in the old place.

Do you do karuna reiki as well as usui? The Karuna symbols bring SUCH peace to me. It might help to lean heavily on them.

My other healing system, the Healing Codes, helped me, too.

I think in terms of the freaking out and stuff, what really helped me was to keep telling myself that this must be happening because it's time and something better was coming. That turned out to be true.

Also, I created a vision of what I wanted for my new place and so did my son. We got almost everything we wanted! And more.

I'll hold the intention that this process will be peaceful for you!

Jeanine

Stephanie S. said...

I have that same fear -
as much as I don't believe God (as in All) to be punishing or judging, sometimes I still think (oh so arrogantly) if I really mess up, will I be dismissed, and put back there, with them?
"Them" being people that aren't striving for peace or greatness or personal evolution. Them that just wants trophies and heads on the wall.
If you see what I mean.

I know I'm not loved any differently, but I still am afraid sometimes of losing my rank - which is that "I shall always be alright", and can trust in the Universe and its abundance.
Make sense?

This is the second time that I've spoken of abundance in the last couple of days - think it's time to write about it tonight!

Thanks so much for visiting my blog today -
Don't be surprised if you find yourself in my lists on Happy and Free! I'll take it down, if/when you say so, of course.

One more thing - Tonight the moon goes into Cancer for a couple of days, and it's a time for home - also the full moon is coming - I'll light a candle for you.
Blessings.
Stephanie

Laura said...

My son is wanting the computer, but I wanted to say that I will be sending positive thoughts your way.

There may be someone who needs you and your boys to move closer to experience your outlook, you know?

All is well. :)

Schuyler said...

Hey, I've seen where Julian of Norwich lived! And we will be moving soon (cross my fingers) too. But not to Corvallis. No matter how many houses are for sale there.

wheelsonthebus said...

Moving gives me hives.

Cid said...

as far as the "practical" stuff goes...I'm a Flylady drop-out, but she has an awesome section on preparing for and doing a move. You can take advantage of this opportunity to decide what you really *love and use* of your stuff and what just doesn't deserve the energy to be moved, lol. I can say this because I'm a packrat myself, and have lots of moving experience :)

Blessings, Cid in CA

Mrs. G. said...

Moving is always difficult. Keep breathing.

Julie Pippert said...

I agree with moving being a good opportunity for leaving behind those things you don't need to carry any longer, physical or otherwise. :)

But it is a transition and those get harder and harder for me as I get older, so I understand the stress of both good and bad inherent in moving.

I also understand believing in the punishment hanging over. It's hard for me to overcome that.

Good luck. I hope a really good thing that accommodates all your needs well enough comes to you soon.

kelli said...

ahh.. you are moving too. Yes, breathing... is good :)

I'll be thinking of you~