And when I first found out, my heart actually sang. Normally, just the *thought* of moving makes me want to break out in hives, then curl up in a ball on the floor - but I guess it's time! And I've mostly been excited about it. I wanted to find something in our neighborhood - it's naturally very diverse, which I love, and Seth has many friends here who love to come to our house. Evan has mixed feelings about the neighborhood. I think he wants to live in a cookie-cutter subdivision, the seeming order of that type of environment is attractive to him. Maybe we can find something to meet all our needs.
I've been OK with the whole thing. I'm getting my tax refund soon, so I'll have money for deposits, moving the utilities, etc. I had just been feeling like... I wanted to do something, go somewhere to shake me up. Like some kind of retreat or workshop or weekend. While I know that change needs to come from me, I've experienced some awakenings at events like that, and I wanted a different perspective. So when I found out we had to move, it felt like the move would serve that need. Because I'm a *little* slow to embrace new things, and moving provides lots of new things to get used to.
But today, this morning, I'm really, really sad. What if we can't stay in the neighborhood? Not only will Seth miss his friends - several of whom are here almost every day - but his friends will miss *us*, too. We are a safe place to come to. No yelling, no unreasonable demands. Just recently, Seth asked when dinner would be ready. I told him soon, and he said, "Good! 'Cause I'm hungry!" His friend actually *flinched* and looked at me with wide eyes. It took me a minute to realize he would not be allowed to say something so innocuous in his own home. It would probably be seen as "disrespectful". I just smiled at Seth, and said, "I'm hungry, too!" His friend has a whole new model for how parents & kids can be together. I feel like we'll abandon them if we can't stay here. There aren't very many rentals here, and the ones that are here are much, much more than we've been paying.
We were looking for houses when we found this one. I keep telling myself that. It will all work out. A friend is going to take me later today and maybe Monday (I have the day off) to drive around and look at places. I got a *bunch* of great boxes from Freecycle. Oh, OK - that's overwhelming, too, the thought of packing. We are disorganized around here, and I don't want to "move our mess". I have a plan, I just need to stop procrastinating and start packing. Cleaning and packing.
There was a quote on Abraham-Hicks the other day that said, "In other words, it is the promise of this eternal Universe… You’re always, always, always going to be on your way to something more—always." Which I need to remember, because I have this fear that somehow, somewhere, I've screwed up and will be punished for it and the gods and goddesses are just going to drop-kick me to the curb.
Ha! OK, guess I'm healing, because when I just wrote that, I thought, "Well, if they did, that's OK. I'd just pick myself up and start anew. And give them the finger." LOLOL All right. I'm OK. Like Julian of Norwich said, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." And are well now.
Deep breath. Again. Again.
I had a reading last year, and was told there were 3 things my guides really, really wanted to make sure I GOT. I wrote them down on little pieces of paper and stuck them around our house, and they've served as affirmations since: I cannot fail. I can trust and have faith in the universe's plan for me. I am loved and supported.
I think they're true for everyone. I can remember they're true for me, too.
All right. OK. I can set some intentions for the move, and our new house. When the boys get back, we can do that together. For now, I can start setting my timer, and sorting and packing. That will save me so much stress later if I do it now.
All is well.