Namasté, Veruca Salt

Sooo.... I've been working with a life coach, to help me reach some goals that I've had for a long time, but wasn't consistently working on. The few times we've met have been *amazing* and very, very helpful.

I can FEEL a shift in my energy. I'm waking up early now without setting an alarm, ready to start my day. I don't have as much patience for just sitting. I've always laughed when people have said, "I just can't sit still if I have things I can do!" I have never, ever, in all of my 43 years been that way. People have said, "I just can't relax!" and I completely could not relate. I have described myself as "Type Z". I have never had difficulty relaxing. But, suddenly - or, maybe not so suddenly (note the 43 years, above) - I am impatient if I know I have something I could be doing.

In terms of kundalini and chakras, a blockage has been cleared, and more energy is flowing freely.

I got in touch with a part of myself a few years ago, when I was actively looking at my history of cleaning, or not cleaning, which has long been an issue for me. I did an exercise from Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life, which I won't go into here, but had the result of me coming to realize that one reason I didn't clean, was because there was a part of me that really, really liked the idea of people being shocked when they came into my home. I am a peaceful person, and I usually bring calming energy where I go, so there was a part of me that really loved the idea, that people that had that view of me would come into my very messy home, and they'd be like, "YOU? Live here? In this chaos?!" I called this part my inner teen - very rebellious when controlled, full of fire and sometimes anger, strongly desiring to bring about change. I did some writing, and told my inner teen that I'd really like a clean house, that it's easier on us as a family if we can find things when we need them, that things would flow better in general if our space was clear. AND, we could create a very shocking piece of art that would go right on the wall, visible right when people walked in the door. So the same effect would be there, but our home would be clean.

A note about inner teen - This is also the part of me that, at one point, was wailing, "But when is it going to be MY turn? When can I be the asshole parent? People always said when I was a grownup, I could treat my kids the way I wanted, and it would be my turn! But you're here with your peaceful parenting, and listening, and honoring! I WANT MY TURN!" This part of me was resentful, and angry, that my kids weren't going to be subjected to the amount of control I had been subjected to. It took a lot of writing and working through that, to make peace with it. I think a lot of people want their turn at being the asshole parent, and that's where a lot of unschooling families can get hung up, if they don't do the work to look at that and let it go.

SO. There's my life coaching going on, and me having more energy, and working on a website for my intuitive readings, and drum circles. And my inner teen. Going, "I'm going to have this doughnut for breakfast! AND coffee! And you can't stop me! I don't care if it brings you down later, stops that energy. I want it NOW!" I talked about this with Laura, my life coach. I told her about Meredith, an unschooling parent whose son came to live with her after he had been to school, living with his birth mom, being controlled and judged and punished. He was angry, and was making some hurtful choices. At first, she tried to push her value of peace on him - then she realized she needed to meet him where he was, honor everything about him. They did things like buy him panes of glass to break, so he wouldn't feel the need to break windows. They asked, "What is it about breaking these windows that you need?" and they found a way for him to do that, without destroying others' property. I met Ray at an unschooling gathering, and he is an amazing, exciting, happy-to-be-alive unschooling teen. I have loved being privy to their journey, through Meredith's postings on unschooling lists.

Knowing them, and their story, is helping me with this part of my journey. Doing the work to get in touch with my inner teen is helping me with this part of my journey. Unschooling is life is unschooling.

When I told Laura about Meredith, and about my inner teen, she suggested I find a way to allow my inner teen to be of service to the bigger picture for my life. How can we take the passion, and anger, and fuel these changes I'm making - while honoring that part of me? I had set aside a few hours today, when I was going to get in touch, do some writing and exploring, and listening. Before I started that, though, I logged on to facebook, to say "hello" and see what my friends are up to today. Another friend named Laura had changed her profile picture to Veruca Salt, and she posted, saying, "my inner Veruca". I immediately heard Veruca in Willy Wonka's factory, face red, yelling, "But I want it NOW!", so I commented with that. Laura replied, "She is a powerful creator."

Wait. Huh? Oh! She is! She IS a powerful creator! And with that, I'm beginning to see how I can channel that destructive energy... I want my website NOW! And I want it to look like I want it to look!! But instead of looking to Daddy or outside myself to make that happen, I'm stoking my own engine with her fire.

I'm still going to write, and make sure I'm hearing my inner teen well, and meeting her needs, like Meredith has done. But, ah, the gift of Veruca, so unexpected, an image SO clear, it can't help but inspire me. She's not a bad egg, she just needed someone to help her channel that amazing energy, and desire.

I am loving how all these different aspects of my life come together, and how radical unschooling has fed me like no other change I've made in my life, how it teaches me to be present and listen, and honor. Not just my two sons, or other kids, but parts of myself, too, so I can grow up - at 43 - with a strong sense of centeredness, and groundedness, and self, and support.

And I love how when I set a goal and am determined to meet it, everything flows together to help that happen, even facebook.

Gassho ~


Laura/CenterDownHome said...

Oooh -- some juicy thoughts for me to mull over today! My inner teen has been protesting about appearance and weight issues and how addressing these things always seems to please others, and she is DAMNED if she is going to turn herself inside-out to do that any more. So, she could care less about her/my appearance, going for an in-your-face slob look. I'm thinking about what you said about the appearance of your home, and how you worked with your inner teen to get what you both wanted!

Thanks for giving me something to think about today, Caren!

(My daughter's name is Meredith! Merediths and Lauras abound!)

BluePixo said...

Every parent should convey to the child that he is an individual in his own right apart from us and responsible for his successes and failures.

BluePixo Entertainment - A place for mom and dad to share topics about parenthood

dharmamama said...

@ Blue Pixo -

What a... generic kind of statement! I think parents could use that to justify some very disconnecting and punitive practices. If that's not what you meant, I'd be interested in hearing more.